The Billionaire Cookbook

Who’s Hungry?

What is the Billionaire Cookbook?

It has become abundantly clear that we have too many billionaires. The question is: What do we do with all of them? Eat them, of course!!

Eating the ultra-wealthy is a delicious and nutritious way to redistribute the abundance that capitalism naturally provides. You have been working your whole life – and finally, the harvest is here!

Factory workers, teachers, firefighters, food service workers, construction workers, utility linemen, road workers, and many other public servants create enormous excess value through our combined labor, as we build and maintain a functioning society. However, this excess value is not automatically distributed back to us. In capitalism, this excess value is stored up in a small handful of individuals. We call them billionaires. Unfortunately, they often force you to harvest them manually. 

Think of it this way: Our society works so well, it is practically overflowing with abundance! Sometimes we just have to put in a little bit more work to harvest the crops we have sown.

Billionaires are not “small business owners” – you can eat them guilt-free!

In a small business, the business owner takes a large risk, investing most of their money and time into providing a service for their community that makes everyone’s lives better. In return, the small business owner gets the profits, if there are any. 

Typically, a wise, ethical small business owner uses profits to invest in the business, creating more jobs. The owner builds the business sustainably, ensuring her products and services do not harm people or the environment. She invests in people, ensuring all her employees are paid a living wage and have the chance to be active participants in the local community.   

This site is about billionaires, not small business owners. Some small business owners may even be successful enough to be millionaires, but billionaires are still much, much bigger. Exactly 1,000 times bigger, in fact. 

Zoom in on this image, which represents $1 Billion – in the top left corner, $1 million (or 10x $100k) is highlighted in dark gray. Median Household Income in the United States was less than $84k in 2024. So, each tiny cell of this billion dollars is worth more than the median household income, and some folks in the United States live on far less than that.

So… Why Should You Eat the Rich??

Billionaires are delicious because of how much money they have made per hour. Most of us know how much money we make per year or per hour – an income of $70k per year comes out to about $33.65 per hour, for a full-time (40 hour per week) position. 

Some billionaires are making millions of dollars per hour, 24 hours a day, for decades at a time.

Here’s the math on some of Elon Musk’s earnings, for example:

From 2000 to 2025, Elon went from about $200 million → $666 billion.

  • He used his $175+ million from PayPal to buy:
    • Starlink
    • Tesla
    • Neuralink
    • The Boring Company
    • xAI
    • At the end of the day, the valuation of these companies soared based on the hard work and advancements of our entire society – not Elon alone.
  • Let’s write those amounts out:
    • $200,000,000 (2000) → $666,000,000,000 (2025) 
    • Increase of $665,800,000,000, or $665.8 billion, in only 25 years
    • January 1, 2000, to December 31, 2025 = 9,496 days
    • 9,496 days = 227,904 hours
    • $665,800,000,000 divided by 227,904 hours = $2,921,405.50 per hour

Elon Musk has made about $3,000,000 per hour, 24 hours a day, for 25 years!!

Read that again; it should make you very hungry. Elon made almost $3 million per hour, 24 hours a day, for 25 years. No individual can actually be “worth” that much, which is how we know that capitalism created Elon specifically to store value for the rest of us!

At some point, Elon and other billionaires are just the unpicked harvest that capitalism created. There are thousands of them across the globe. Ripe tomatoes ready for plucking. The fruits of our collective labor. We built a system where all that value just sits there, bound up in the personal fortunes of thousands of billionaires, just waiting to be eaten up.

Meanwhile, folks can barely afford healthy groceries. 

Healthcare costs, especially in the United States, cripple households with debt and tie people to jobs they would not accept otherwise. Housing costs are through the roof. RFK Jr. is on TV telling you to switch to cheap liver and onions, while Donald Trump is on another channel declaring we have entered the golden age. 

Honestly, we couldn’t agree more – as the harvest begins, America and the globe will truly enter the golden age.

Let’s feast!! Bon Appetit! 

Unregulated monopolies, untaxed profits, stagnant wages for workers, hidden costs externalized to the environment, tax haven hidey-holes, and other features of late-stage capitalism currently encourage the creation of billionaires! 

Yet, it was our collective efforts as a society and our dollars spent on their products that created all their wealth in the first place. 

With a system that produces billionaires in such abundance, it seems only ethical to harvest these enormous stores of value, as nature intended. Reap what you sow.

Here at the Billionaire Cookbook, we are cooking up the best recipes, techniques, and resources so you can start eating the rich today!!

If you haven’t figured it out by now, this entire site is satire. We are obviously not advocating for cannibalism or violence of any kind. Billionaires are not visionaries – they are wealth hoarders who take from the working class through wage theft, tax loopholes, reliance on taxpayer-funded corporate welfare, and more. We are using our right to speak freely to advocate for taxation policy reforms that establish a truly democratic society.

Thanks for being here! Please feel free to share our site with your friends and family! You might be surprised by who agrees with you about taxing the ultra-wealthy when you frame it right.

We hope you enjoy your meal!

Cheers,
The Head Chef

Head Chef